Klondike Bar
by Uncle Chibster
Summary: What would your favorite characters do for a Klondike Bar? Only you can decide that! (Rating may change, more info inside.)
1. Chapter 1

"What the fuck is a Klondike Bar?" Karkat asked with a raised eyebrow, looking at the treat John held in his hand.

"Only the best frozen treat in the entire world!" John exclaimed, unwrapping the frozen treat, before it was swiped out of his hand by Dave. "Hey!"

"Dude, don't you know the rules?" Dave asked, keeping it above his head so John couldn't reach it.

"What rules? That's bull! Give it back, Dave!"

"You have to do something first to get the Klondike Bar. There's a whole bunch of 'em."

Now Karkat was a bit curious. Could this treat be so good that you had to actually do something before you could eat it?

"And what do you have to do?" Aradia asked, peering at the chocolate treat like it was an alien artifact. Which, it kinda was.

"Anything that you're dared to do." Dave said. By now, the rest of their group had come to look at the icecream. Dave couldn't believe they were falling for this so easily. They were treating it like some sort of treasure.

"Dave, this is ridiculous, they don't have to do any-" John was quickly shushed with a hand slapped to his mouth by Dave, the other hand still clutching the Klondike Bar.

"So, I'll ask you guys... What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"

**A/N: Here is how this will work. Leave a review or PM me giving an idea on what someone should do for the Klondike Bar. I will update whenever I get a new review, so depending on how popular this gets, the more it will be updated. You can give an idea more than once, but I will not repeat any. May change the rating to M, depending. You can use anyone, including the Dancestors or the other humans like Dirk, Roxy, etc. ANYONE. Be creative!**


	2. Sollux: Be Eridan's Servant

**A/N: Thanks to AnonymousNinjaGirl for the idea!**

**Dare 1: Sollux: Be Eridan's Personal Servant for the Day**

"I have to WHAT?"

"He has to WHAT?"

"That's what the little paper says. I can't change the paper."

"What paper?"

"This paper." Dave held up the small slip of parchment, which had Sollux's duty attached to it.

"Where the fuck did you get that?" Eridan asked.

"Um, duh, the ones who are reading this. Right now."

"Who?"

"You don't know? There are people watching our every move. Right here. Right now. They watch us every second they can, yet they can do nothing to help us." Dave suddenly sounded very mysterious.

"Wait, so they saw-?"

"No, Eridan, they did not see you in a thong dancing on the table trying to hit on Feferi."

"Oh thank G- YOU JUST TOLD THEM YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Oops."

"Can we get back on topic here? I am NOT being Eridan's servant just so I can eat some human icecream! It's not worth it."

"Sollux, Sollux, Sollux," Dave wrapped an arm around the troll's shoulders, "Do you not know the wonders of the Klondike Bar, forged by the ancient Klondike himself? His snowy blizzards lasted for years, destroying all in its path, only for all of its cold power to he wrapped and spread throughout the world in this one. Tiny. Treat."

Sollux raised an eyebrow, "Can't you just eat it then?"

"No! This is the gift of a god!"

"You said he was an ancient."

"Same thing, Mr. 3D. You can't just go around dishonoring the cold and chocolate goodness!"

"And if I do dishonor it?"

"You will be cursed. And die a horrible, painful death."

"Yolo, right?" Eridan simply looked amused from all this. Now that he thought about it, having Sollux do whatever he told him to wasn't such a bad idea.

"Yolo? Fuck yolo. I have literally lived four and a half times, Eridan."

"Meh."

"So are you in it, or not? Come on, Sollux, you know you want to. No one can deny Klondike's power."

Sollux let out a long sigh. He couldn't believe he was going through with this. "Fine." He grumbled.

Eridan looked a little too happy about this. "Now, come and bow to me, slave! And when I talk to you, you always respond to me and always end with 'my lord'. Is that understood?"

Sollux's eye twitched. This was going to be horrible. Walking over to Eridan, he gave a half-hearted bow, grumbling, "Yes, my lord."

"Sorry, say that again? I can't hear you."

"I said YES, my lord." Sollux snapped. Already he wanted to give up.

"Again please? My hearing is absolutely dreadful today."

"I SAID FUCKING YES MY LORD!"

"How rude, Sol, you yelled at me. For punishment, you have to kiss my feet!"

"No. Nope. Fucking no. Not doing this. I give up. Have a nice day." Sollux turned, beginning to walk away.

"Sollux! You can't! As soon as you agreed, Klondike's eyes were upon you! You'll be cursed!" Dave shoved him back over to Eridan.

Sollux glared. Eridan smirked.

"My kismesis senses are tingling..." Nepeta said, taking out her drawing pad.

"I am NOT in ANY quadrant with THIS PIECE OF-"

"Sol, you shouldn't speak in that manner about your master."

"GAAAH!"

"Come on, stop stalling, you know what I ordered you to do."

Grumbling many bad words, Sollux slowly made his way onto the ground, looking at Eridan's stupid ugly shoes covering his stupid ugly feet.

"Well?"

"Shut the fuck up."

Leaning down, Sollux pressed his lips for not even half a second to Eridan's shoe before jumping back up, spitting and scratching at his lips like someone had put poison on them.

"EQUIUS! GET ME A TOWEL!"

"I need those."

"I DON'T CARE!"

_-A few horrible hours of serving Eridan later-_

"Sol?"

"What the fuck now?"

"..."

"... My lord."

"Heh. Sol, I order you to feed me."

"... Oh my god, Eridan."

"It's an order!"

"UUUGH. Feed you what?"

"A Klondike Bar."

"I won't have it until I'm done with you."

"That's the thing. You're going to steal one for me."

"Eridan you must be joking."

"No, I'm serious! Go steal a Klondike Bar for me!"

"I'm going to kill you when this is over."

Grumbling once again, Sollux quickly left. How the hell was he supposed to steal the Klondike Bar from Dave?

After some thinking, he managed to make a battle plan. He'd tackle him, grab the stupid icecream, and run like hell.

He soon found the Strider human, holding the Klondike Bar in his hand, talking with a few others. Bracing himself for the attack, he took off his glasses, setting them on the ground as to not break them if something went wrong.

And with that, he launched himself at Dave, shouting a proud battle cry, "FOR LADY GAGA!"

And tackled him to the floor.

There was a stream of curses as Sollux and Dave wrestled on the ground, before Sollux held the Klondike Bar victoriously above him, sprinting away.

By the time he got back to Eridan, he was panting hard, wondering how the fuck this Klondike Bar was still cold.

"Holy shit, Sol, you actually got it." Eridan looked pretty shocked.

Sollux was about to say something when he suddenly got trolled by Karkat.

carcinoGeneticist (CG) began trolling twinArmageddons (TA)

CG: DUDE.

CG: YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO STEAL THE FUCKING KLONDIKE BAR.

CG: YOUR TIME LITERALLY JUST RAN UP. YOUR TORTURE IS OVER.

TA: oh my go2h fuck ye2.

"Well? Give it here." Eridan said, extending his hand.

Sollux smirked. Oh, he had such a good idea. This was much better than eating the Klondike Bar.

"Um... Sol? Why are you grinnin' like that?"

At that moment, Sollux tackled him, the Klondike Bar now unwrapped with bits of frost on it from the freezing temperature it was still miraculously at, Sollux shoving it down Eridan's pants.

"COOOOOOOLD!"


	3. Karkat: Show Your Blood

**A/N: Thanks to Cryptvokeeper for the idea! Also, it was requested through PM that I use typing quirks of the trolls while I write. Leave a review on what you think. I'll go by majority whether I will or not.**

**Dare 2: Karkat: Show everyone your blood.**

"NOOOO!" Karkat yelled, pulling the sleeves of his sweater farther down than they already were. He attempted to pull it over his head as well, but that only revealed his stomach, which he quickly covered.

"Oh, come on, Karkat," Terezi grinned, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, "I've always wanted to smell your blood!" She laughed, sharp teeth displayed proudly.

"I would rather not be around when the blood was shown," Equius frowned, folding his arms, "it might make me sick."

Nepeta just smiled, "Oh, Equius, it's just Karkitty. Why would he make you sick?" She asked.

Equius sighed, "You still seem to not understand the STRONG importance of the hemospectrum, Nepeta."

"Explains your quite close friendship with a lowblood, Equius." Vriska grinned slyly.

"Look who's talking." Kanaya said.

Vriska narrowed her eyes.

"Come on, Karkat," Dave joined Terezi at his side, "do it for the chocolate goodness."

"I'm not going to have to eat the one that was shoved down Eridan's pants, am I?" Karkat looked horrified at the thought, but Sollux only laughed. What an evil genius he was.

"Where is Eridan, anyway?" Feferi asked.

Sollux shrugged. "Who cares? Probably trying to get all of the Klondike Bar off his bone bulge. That stuff was unbelievably cold."

"WILL SOMEONE ANSWER ME?"

"No, Karkat, I have other Klondike Bars." Dave said, holding up another one.

"Where do you even get those?"

"... I might've gone back in time to go to earth and get some actually good food."

"And you didn't bother to tell our past selves not to play the game?" John asked.

"..."

"Oh my God."

Rose and Jade facepalmed at the same time. Facepalm combo X2!

"Smooooooth." Karkat rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, cause you're just Mr. Smooth, Karkat."

"I'm smoother than a human grub's ass!"

"That's disgusting."

"Karkat, are you going to show us your pretty blood or not?" Terezi asked, getting bored with the conversation.

Karkat groaned, "Fine..." He said hesitantly, getting his sickle. He rolled up his sleeve, putting the point to his gray skin. "How much?"

"Just so everyone can see it." Dave pulled out a camera.

"What is that? What in the actual fuck are you doing?"

"Blackmail option if ever needed. Karkat's a red-blooded emo."

"I hate you."

"Likewise."

"Just do it already!" Terezi exclaimed, now getting impatient.

"That's what she sa-"

"SHUT UP!"

Sighing, Karkat quickly drew the point of the sickle across his wrist, a bead of red blood escaping. Terezi quickly licked it up.

"Terezi!"

"What? It tastes like candy! Do it more, Karkat!"

Growling, Karkat did it again, this time the cut increasing in size. Terezi excitedly began eating it like a liquid treat.

"Uh... Karkat? You can stop cutting now." John said.

Karkat raised an eyebrow, looking at his wrist. "OH FUCK!"

"Motherfucker, I think you overdid it a bit." Gamzee said.

"Call troll 911!" Tavros exclaimed.

About two minutes later, Karkat ended up fainting, and despite his STRONG protest, Equius' towels were used for stopping the bleeding.


	4. Kanaya: Stay Away From Rose

**A/N: Thanks to Guest for the idea! **

**Dare 3: Kanaya: Stay away from Rose**

"What the author's note just said." Dave concluded, tossing away the piece of paper. Kanaya sighed.

"I'm not even going to bother asking you 'what is an author's note' because I did hear some strange voice before the dialogue began." She said.

"What the FUCK are all of you talking about?!" Karkat demanded.

"Nothing you need to know about, Karkat. Nothing you need to know about." Dave said, all mysterious like. Like the cool kid he was. Yeah. Karkat's eye just twitched in annoyance.

"So how long do I have to stay away from Rose?" Kanaya asked, crossing her arms across her chest. She didn't like the idea, but it couldn't possibly be that bad, right?

"I dunno. Didn't say." Dave shrugged, "Let's make it... A week." He said.

"A week?" Kanaya asked. Dave nodded.

"That shouldn't be too hard." Kanaya turned to Rose, "How do you feel about this?"

Rose pulled out a notepad, "Well, this is a good chance to research troll psychology, so I can live with it." She said nonchalantly. Kanaya nodded, "Than I accept the challenge."

**DAY ONE: Rose's journal**

_Kanaya seems to be acting normal. She is not showing any signs of withdrawal or desperate need of attention, and is actually finding interesting ways to keep herself occupied, such as spending time with the Mayor or reading. It is unclear whether this will be a difficult challenge for her or not._

_ - Rose Lalonde_

**DAY TWO**

_It seems that Kanaya is starting to have difficulty occupying herself. She had begun pacing back and forth a few times, from just a few seconds up to complete minutes. It is hard to tell what she is thinking, but I believe it won't take much longer before she starts to show true signs of withdrawal. It is a bit frustrating for me as well having to constantly scurry away whenever we happen to be in the same area, and along with being awake while she is asleep due to the dream bubbles. _

_ - Rose Lalonde_

**DAY THREE**

_Kanaya is now beginning to show clear signs of her withdrawal. She now spends a majority of her time fiddling with her clothing or objects she finds. She never seems to look very calm. It has only been three days yet I am beginning to worry about her mental well being, but research must sometimes come with sacrifice. I will continue taking notes._

_ - Rose Lalonde_

**DAY FOUR**

_Kanaya has spent a majority of her time sleeping. I am pretty sure that this is her attempt to pass the time to make it seem to go quicker. Karkat has shown concern for her, but she tends to just snap at him and then ask where my location is. Karkat, of course, does not answer her question, which gets her even more distressed on the situation. She is often groaning and sometimes even roll around on the floor for about an hour. I even saw her play a board game with herself. She continuously called the other player 'Rose'. I am beginning to feel seriously concerned._

_ - Rose Lalonde_

**DAY FIVE**

_Kanaya now nearly spends all of her time walking around and asking people at random where I am. When they refuse to tell her, she threatens them with her chainsaw, so now I have to be constantly on the run from her. This is getting pretty tiring, even for me. I feel that the situation will soon become quite dire. This was a bad idea. However, the notes I have received are very informational._

_ - Rose Lalonde_

**DAY SIX**

_Due to not being able to control herself, Kanaya has chained herself by the ankle in one of the rooms. She asked Karkat to do it, and he hesitantly complied. She has shown clear signs of no self control, and is struggling to not yank her foot off so she can continue her frantic search for me. I really can't wait for this stupid dare to be over. It will take a while to clear out all of the mental damage this might have caused her. However, that might be helpful information too. How to heal a mentally wounded troll. Yes, I like that. One more day remains._

_ - Rose Lalonde_

**DAY SEVEN**

_Kanaya attempted to cut off her foot with her chainsaw. She was quickly stopped, but had to be sedated by three people, which included Karkat, Dave, and Vriska. They decided that Kanaya had succeeded in the dare, and she has just gained her Klondike Bar, but I have a feeling she doesn't care about it. She is approaching me now._

_ - Rose Lalonde_

Rose closed her journal, looking up as Kanaya approached her. She was about to say something when Kanaya instead grabbed her wrist, "Rose. You. Me. That room. Over there. Now." She said, starting to pull me towards the room she had mentioned. She was still holding the Klondike Bar.

This was going to be interesting.


	5. Dave: Makeout with John

**A/N: Thanks to arsenicCatnip for the idea! **

**Wait. **

**Realization in 3... 2... 1...**

**ERMERGERD NEPETA SENT IN A REQUEST EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT IM GOING TO SPAM MY FEELINGS.**

**This chapter contains yaoi content.**

**Dare 4: Dave: Makeout with John**

Dave stared at the piece of paper for a little while longer this time. His eye twitched behind his ironic shades.

"Whoa, whoa, wait, what?" John asked, taking a few steps back. "Who sent in THAT dare?"

Nepeta giggled to herself while making her sketch to add to the shipping wall later. The ship was ready to set sail.

Terezi cackled loudly, displaying pretty much all of her sharp teeth, "Cool kid gets ALL the ladies!" She exclaimed.

John narrowed his eyes at her, "I'm not a girl!"

Deciding that it was totally worth the Klondike Bar, Dave wrapped an arm around John's shoulders, tugging him closer, "Oh, but now you are, Joan." He said.

"My name isn't Joan!" John exclaimed, trying to shove himself away from Dave, but cool kid kept him in place.

"Yes it is. You are now a woman. Embrace it." Dave took John's hand, "And now the woman has to make out with her Knight so he can get his Klondike Bar."

"That was the worst pick up line ever." John deadpanned.

"Oh please, if Nic Cage said that, you'd be all over him."

"I would not!"

"I'm going to quote Nic Cage right now, and you're going to say its a bad pick up line, because I'm not Nic Cage."

"All of your pick up lines are ba-"

"Boner."

"DAVE!"

"What? It's a Nic Cage quote."

Nepeta looked up at Terezi.

"AC leans over towards GC and whispers, are those two ever going to make out?"

"GC grins toothily at her feline friend and tells her with a humorous tone, when they do, it will be the perfect blackmail in the future."

By now, Dave was holding John in a very romantic position, leaning him back with one arm supporting his upper back and head, while the other arm had his leg propped up around his waist.

"Alright, Joan, it's time to makeout."

"Dave, I don't want to makeout with you!"

"Well I want my Klondike Bar."

"I don't care about your Klondi-MMPH!"

Nepeta let out a little squeal of glee, scribbling furiously on her drawing pad as she watched the scene unfold, Dave keeping his lips firmly locked onto John's while the latter character flailed wildly, letting out muffled protests.

It was about twenty seconds before Dave finally parted their lips, and dropped John, letting him fall to the floor with an 'oof'.

"That lasted WAY too long!" John exclaimed, his face a dark shade of red.

Dave looked at him, "A makeout isn't a little peck, John." He said, casually picking himself up a Klondike Bar and beginning to eat it.

"John. I think you should go and disinfect your mouth." Karkat said.

"What was that, Karkat? You want to makeout with the cool kid, too?" Dave asked, walking towards him.

"What? NO! GET AWAY! FUCK YOU, STRIDER! GAAAAAH!"


End file.
